So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
