i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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