You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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