omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
