Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
