These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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