My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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