i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
