I need to stop coming to work sober
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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