none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
