I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
