Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
