i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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