doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
from now on my penis is your penis
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
