my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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