12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
