In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
