butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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