things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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