i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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