I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
