The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
