if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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