Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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