shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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