just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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