yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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