I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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