How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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