Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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