Hey man sorry I got all grabby
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
