u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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