I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
