he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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