I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
