I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
