Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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