you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
