just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
