you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
