so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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