When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
