dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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