Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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