I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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