Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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