If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
