I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
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i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
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He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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