help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
