i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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