In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
