you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
