If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
