um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
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Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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