Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
