worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
