She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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