whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize