man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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