if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize