It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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