he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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