she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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