His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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