It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
