Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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