covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i out mim tonsoeep
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