So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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