Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
