Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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