I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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