Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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