My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
