Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
